For those who have not had the experience, it is impossible to understand the
depth of the pain caused by the murdered of a love one. In fact, the human mind only gradually accepts the terrible reality.
I could not accept the violent and brutal death of my son.
"It felt unreal," I could not beleave that he was not going to be walk through the door again.
Following an amputation,
individuals sometimes "feel" their lost limb. In a similar way, grief-stricken families sometimes "seeing" their beloved love
one in a crowd or catch themselves making a casual comment to their love one who is not there anymore.
Friends and family often
do not know how to react in the face of such suffering. If you know someone who has experienced the death of a child? How,
then, can you provide support? What should you know in order to help a friend work through their grief? How can you help the
bereaved gradually to regain some since of normalcy?
Things Not To Do
Friends and family might br distressed by the suffering of their loved one and with good intentions try to limit the
duration of the grieing process. "There is no "right" length of time to grieve." So don’t say it is time to get over it. Therefore, instead of trying to stem the flow
of tears, allow time for the surviving love one to express his or her grief.
Genesis 37:34, 35; Job10:1
While it might be appropriate
for you to help with formalities related to the funeral arrangements, do not assume that you must take complete control of
all matters that have to do with the funeral. Most people think it is nice that people want to help in a real and practical
way, but still allowed the surviving love one to retain control of the arrangerments. It mean's a lot to have everything go
as they would want. Most fill that it is the last thing they can do to honor their love one.
Of course, some help is no doubt
appreciated. I could not think straight. Fortunately, my husband cousin helped. I wish I could have done more becouse some
things were not correctly , and now that is one of the things I
hate worst of all.
When offering your support, avoid
overwhelming the grieving one with advice. Refrain from pressuring the bereaved one to make decisions too quickly. Instead,
use discernment and ask yourself, What positive steps can I take to help a friend or relative through the most difficult times
What You Can Do
Give practical help. You could prepare
meals or clean befor guest aarive, accommodate visiting relatives, or keep the grieving one company.
You also need to recognize that men
and women may deal with grief differently or people in general .
What I needed to do to survive may not be the way someone else need to do to survive. But that does not mean one is not in
as much pain as the other, it just means we are all different so we grieve differently.
A Time To Heal
In order to start living life again,
the surviving individual need to find the right balance between preserving the memort of their love one and caring for their
own present needs. Ecclesiastes 3:3,4 says that there is "a time to weep," But also that there needs to be "a time to heal."
to forget, but to be able to live again. Life remains a precious gift from God, not the same life you had,but a precious one
that is given to us from God.
True friends will make themselves
available and provide ongoing support.